Dear H, I understand your concern. Going to school and attending tuitions are activities that one cannot avoid. There is a fixed time, which you will spend daily in those activities. If you want to have a self-study time you will have to plan your day in advance. Before going to sleep in the night think about your next day. How much time are you going to spend in school and tuitions? After that you need to see how much time you have in hand. Utilize that time for your self-study. It is also important to relax in between these activities so that you do not feel tired and can study well. Do not look at the time for which you do your self-study but look at the content that you study during that time. Put in efforts and study at least one topic each day. Planning each day in advance and preparing a timetable and following it will help you overcome the problem that you are facing. All the best!
Dear R, I understand your situation. Do you think not going to school will help the situation? Chances are that once you resume going to school it may start again. Try to deal with the situation rather than escaping it. Next time they joke about it, pretend as if you have not heard what they are saying. Stop reacting to their jokes and continue doing what you have to. Try not to personalize things. It's not about you it is about the way they think. If need be talk to your friends once and tell them that you are not enjoying the jokes and it is going a bit too far. Tell them what you have to firmly, but without getting angry. Anger is a reaction and not the solution to the problem. Try to stay calm and deal with the situation effectively.
A, I can well understand your dilemma. It appears like a double edged sword. It is perfectly natural to go through swings of emotions. I am sure you never lived without your parents and you have rightfully decided to explore the opportunity to study in Australia. Share your confusion with your parents, as they too are likely to be sailing in the same boat. Sharing your feelings and giving vent to your emotions will help you all to face the situation and you will emerge better adjusted and stronger. While you are there you can stay connected via mails and other means. Staying away makes the heart grow fonder. Spend as much quality time and think about your future.
S, it must be very challenging for you to be co-holding your professional and social roles simultaneously. You are a strong individual. Yet there may be times when you are likely to feel low and guilty. Do not let guilt bog you down, as it will not lead you to your goal. Working is important for your economical and psychological fulfillment hence there is no way you can give it up. However you may find ways, means of spending time with your son. Also it is important to convey your reason to work to your son. Chances are he will grow up more sensitive and caring towards you. Feel proud not guilty, after all you are making a choice.
A It seems like your career choice so far has not been your own calling. You have taken a course out of no choice and yet you have made this choice. What would you like to do now and in the future? You have two choices, that is to continue to comply with your parents or the other is to make an active choice based on your passion and interest. You are at a threshold where you need to pause and take stalk of your life. You cannot live a life of regret and compromise. If you know what will excite you and keep you going professional, you need to invest in that career. Self-awareness is half work accomplished. The other part can be accomplished once you take the path based on your conviction. You need to keep your parents updated on your choice. Chances are your parents will agree and accept your decision. Discover and nurture your dreams.
Dear R, I understand your situation. Your parents could be concerned about you so they could be telling you this. They may not be realizing that they are hurting you. Would you like to tell them about how you are feeling? Next time they tell you about your weight you can tell them that you are working towards loosing the extra weight and you require them to support you in this. Try not to get discouraged by what they are saying and continue your efforts towards the same. Be consistent in your approach.
Dear P, your angst and concern is justifiable considering what our media reports about sexual violence. Having a girl child is always a challenge because she has to be protected and kept away from such violence in her formative years. Along with this if the right values imparted, one can minimize such chances. The values of protecting the self and understanding the difference between good and unhealthy touch can be inculcated in growing up. Openness and supportiveness from parents can make it easier for a girl child to grow up with dignity. P, however, much you may want a boy child, but you cannot ensure so, therefore bring up your girl child second to none, equip her with inner strength. Never regret having a female child. Do not make her helpless and pitiable. Work towards strengthening her not just protecting her.
Dear A, from your sharing it is clear that you are feeling uncertain about the relationship. One part of you likes when he calls but another part makes you conscious. You do not like to confront and say things upfront. There can be many reasons that he is calling you – one is he may be attracted towards you; secondly you too receive his calls and reinforce his feelings. If so, what message are you giving him? If you are secure and comfortable with the relationship, you may want to share how you feel towards his regular calls, convey him that you are busy and shall call him whenever you wish to. He will get the message. Rather than bottling up and then over reacting, do so at the appropriate time. Act now, be open and honest. It will help to continue a healthy relationship with your new friend.
Dear C, your situation is certainly disturbing and trying. However, when you say that you are interviewed and yet cannot convert the interview into a job, you certainly need to objectively examine the reasons behind the failure. It is to do with your predisposition I guess. You may be probably expressing your pessimism and resignation, which could be affecting the results. Remember that 70 % of the message is communicated vie body language. Once you are able to pin point the reasons contributing to failure the next step is to bring about change. Try not to be judgmental and critical about yourself. Prepare well before each interview, groom well, update your knowledge and most of all be alert at the time of the interview. Give it your best shot. Even if do not get selected at least it would serve as a learning experience. Overcome your mental barrier and you will surely accomplish.
Dear S, I understand your concern. Revision is a very important part that helps in ensuring that whatever is studied gets properly stored. Try and make revisions time saving and regular. You can make flashcards- cards where the summary or character sketches, formulas are written. Referring to these cards whenever you have some time will keep revisions regular. Making summary notes on a paper with all important points and questions with their answers in short will help. You could also make acronyms for answers that have points. Create a map to remember all the dates and years. Other than this make sure that the first time you read any chapter you understand it well. If it is done properly in the first time, then before exams revisions will be easy. You can just refer to these flashcards, summary notes which will help you to revise the entire course.
Dear B, by your sharing it appears that you are feeling uneasy and anxious about yourself hence you to do not seem to be in sync with other aspects of your life. There could be many reasons for this turmoil. Would you like to introspect the reasons? Are you in comparison with other or are you concerned about your future? B, you need to go to the seed of the problem. Once you are able to pinpoint why you are feeling this way you need not change your thoughts. Learn to believe in yourself and have faith in your coping skills. Try to benchmark yourself within yourself, set your own goals and put in efforts to accomplish them. If you anchor yourself within yourself you will experience new energy and a sense of well being.
Dear R, from your sharing it seems that you are going in for an arranged marriage. If so, it is quite likely that you could be feeling inhibited to confide and discus your feelings with your fiancé. At the same time you cannot build the foundation of your relationship on mistrust if need be you can subtly try and find out more about their relationship. It is quite likely that there may be nothing at all. Rather then worrying about it you can concentrate on building your relationship. Any new relationship needs time to grow and foster. Yet the past relationships have to be held in simultaneity too. Learn to be proactive and have faith in yourself and your relationship.
A, as the exams draw closer it is likely that anxiety and stress levels also go high. However if you get too anxious, it will tell upon your study pattern. Take one day at a time. Plan and schedule your day in a way that you can accomplish your goals by stretching yourself a little. This itself will boost your morale and make you feel confident from within. If you are unable to fulfill your targets for one day, do not get discouraged. Concentrate on the next day. Try and make flash cards of portions you have read and learnt. These cards should carry the summary of each chapter. Writing and studying will also help you test your memory. Whenever your mind goes astray, bring it back as soon as you realize it. Give yourself positive affirmations and study in a place that is low on distractions. Meditation or breathing exercises can help to enhance concentration levels.
Dear A, I can well understand your pathos. Your past has certainly left you disillusioned and bitter. Have you tried to find the reason behind 'let down' in relationships? From your sharing it is clear that your expectations of relationships do not match what you get. Many times one has to learn to be sensitive to others needs and feelings. The person may not reciprocate the feelings but it does not make you a failure. A, you need to do some amount of introspection on your pattern of behavior and how it affects relationships. This exercise will help you in future. Concentrate on 'how' you say things rather than in what you say. Love and understanding are important in any relationship irrespective of it being a love or an arranged marriage. Since you are at the threshold of beginning a relationship, you need to minimize the past hurts and open your mind to accepting others as they are.
A, from your sharing it seems that all your choices have been taken by your parents. And how you are experiencing some discomfort as you are discovering your interest and passion in computers. Firstly you will have to accept your responsibility of opting for commerce. Although you have not mentioned here, but your parents would have asked you take commerce keeping your study habits in mind. You could have convinced them then too. You are going to learn your law course in between, have to done your homework on what course you will opt for and what is the scope and opportunities the course will offer. A, the fact that you are switching fields, this time be very sure of your choice. The next step will be to convince your parents. It may not be very easy to convince them. But your commitment and clarity, you will be able to do so. It is certainly more replenishing if you go where your passion lies. Believe in yourself and prove your worth.
Dear K, I can understand your pain and pathos. Although you may moved out of your house just to get away from the adversities, you still carrying the emotional baggage of your past. By leaving the place you cannot erase the past. It is almost natural for you to relive the past. However if you feel it is coming on the way of your well being you may need to visit a Psychologist. Another effective method is journaling. You can put down your disturbing thoughts, incidents along with your feelings in your personal diary. It can give some release to the disturbing memories. Your sleep is distorted thus implying that you need to talk and get the steam out of your system. Meditation can also work parallel to a psychological intervention. Love yourself and try hard to safe guard yourself. The fact that you are sharing your experience itself shows you are ready to help yourself. Do not lose faith in yourself. If you desire and wish you can make a new beginning.
Dear A, you have not mentioned the onset of the repetitive behavior. However try and identify the pattern of your behavior. Can you link it to some stress from a thought that preoccupies your mind therefore you behave in such manner. This disorder is usually an outcome or symptom of excessive stress. In order to keep the anxiety under check the mind- body responds in a practicable manner. If the behavior is getting noticed and embarrassing, I suggest you consult a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist. Do not panic, yet do not ignore this behavior.
Dear G, your concern seems to be universal. Most of the students, given the examination pattern cram and learn just for the exams. Once the exams are over there is no learning and therefore very negligible application of learnt material. As you move on from high school to college, the reading material is much more complex and then you would find that this 'tired and tested' formula becomes futile. Therefore find an effective way to study and memorize. Try to use tools like flash notes; visual memory; acronyms to recall whatever you study. Concentrate on developing effective study methods. Then you will not have to be concerned about the outcome.